Western NC Ghostbusters : 'On Tour'

SPRING 2004

"Well Brother, how do I look?" Deven asked Kyle. In a navy blue suit and silk tie, and spotless white shirt, he looked the picture of the well-dressed executive. He'd even shaved, which wasn't something Kyle could say...for the past 12 days!

This wasn't good. Kyle had a long list of higher-ups he didn't like, and he'd thought of that lately. These people weren't BORN that way, he'd deduced. They were made that way - by power. The same power his friend and mentor was about to inherit. For that matter, HE was about to inherit some too! For Deven had been chosen to be the DPM - District Pharmacy Manager. And in HIS absence, he had chosen Kyle to succeed him as the Pharmacist In Charge of their store.

Then Kyle looked down and saw Deven still had his trademark - worn, stained, faded, white size 14 sneakers. Okay, maybe these snotty execs were made - but not from people like them!

Kyle smiled his approval. "Go get em, boss!" And with a mock salute, he turned and headed into the waiting store...HIS store now...as Deven got in his beat-up old Ford pickup and headed off to the District office.

*TWO WEEKS LATER*
Deven stared at the blinking light on the phone is his office, as his secretary explained the situation. "This clinic says they're tired of the Marshall store sending back...uhm...these things." She handed Deven a paper, which he identified right away.
"This is a Medicaid Override form, and the doctor DIDN'T put a diagnosis code."
"I don't know what it is sir, but they're complaining because that store faxes them back."
Deven sighed and picked the phone up. "Okay, I'll handle it. Hello, Doctor Smith? IF YOU'D DO THE FORMS RIGHT THE FIRST TIME, THEY WOULDN'T SEND THEM BACK, NUMB-NUTS!!!!!" Then he slammed the phone down and put his head down on the desk, exhausted.

*MEANWHILE, IN BURNSVILLE*
"We ORDERED 100 boxes of Prilosec OTC, but they sent us two man...something about a restricted item."
"Okay, thanks Steve - I'll take care of it." Switching from the manager's intercom to the speed dial, Kyle was on the phone with the outside vendor in seconds. "JODY! Hey, it's Kyle! We need 100 boxes of Prilosec OTC tomorrow am! Doable? Aww-right! Thanks!"
Kyle hung up and turned to see his entire crew staring at him in wonder....except for Danielle the inventory specialist. Her look could best be described as, 'malice.'
Kyle shrugged. "What? We need this stuff, we gotta show the powers that be that WE mean business, hey?"
Danielle was not happy. "How about seeing what Deven can do now that he's DPM?"
Kyle just turned to the speakerphone and brought up a saved voicemail that everyone instantly recognized as coming from Deven. "Order the HELL out of it!!!"
Kyle smirked. "Trust us, we know what we're doing.

*TWO DAYS LATER*
Deven and Kyle were sitting on a park bench, in downtown Asheville. Kyle was dressed in his usual work clothes, Deven in similar garb to his first day as DPM - except the tie was off and the shirt was untucked. "I can't believe they fired us," he grumbled. And me with a daughter on the way! What am I gonna do?!

*Kyle took a long pull of his caffeine-free Diet Pepsi, and turned to Deven with a smile. "To paraphrase another boss of sorts to me...'everything happens for a reason, and we were destined to get thrown outta this dump!" Because now I can put 100% of my focus into the Western North Carolina Ghostbusters, and travel state-wide to take a chunk out of the ghost populace! Heck, I may hit South Carolina too, I don't think they have their own franchise yet!
Deven was not convinced. "Great - for YOU! But you still don't have anyone else signing up. And again - what do I do for income?!"
Kyle merely turned to Deven with a smug smile...
"Ohhhhh, no! No way am I....I would stand in the welfare line with Erma before you got me to....

*ONE WEEK LATER*
The Ecto-1NC pulled up to a somewhat run-down house in one of the countless rural communities of NC. Two tall men with dark, but thinning hair stepped up to the front porch. The more heavy-set one knocked on the door and identified himself:
"Ghostbusters ma'am. I'm Doctor Peterson, and this is my partner, Doctor Raines. Now what's this business about a ghost dog terrorizing your pet?
TBC

"Well," the woman began, "I thought at first it was just another stray dog eating ol' Rex's food," - she motioned to a sleepy looking hound laying on the porch. "So I thought I'd fix 'em with some antifreeze-laced scraps..." (this brought a glare from Deven, but Kyle gave him an elbow to the ribs, as he already knew nothing living was harmed by her trap) "...and well - come see for yourselves!"
She led the two to the back yard, where she motioned to a dog bowl toward the end of her property. She kept back as Kyle and Deven went to investigate, and they soon saw why! Not far from the bowl looked like a typical pile of vomit...typical except that it was glowing green! "Whoa," Deven muttered as Kyle pulled out his PKE and did a sweep. "Oh yeah, it's supernatural all right. And if these readings are correct, the bugger is still around here somewhere. Don't worry Ma'am, well take care of this in a....jiffy." Kyle turned to speak the last part to his customer, but she and Rex had already retreated to the relative safety of the indoors.

Kyle unhooked his gun and powered it on with one hand, while he kept the PKE meter in the other and slowly started into the woods behind the woman's property. "Hey, I got a question," Deven grumbled from behind - "How come YOU get to wear the nanotech pack, while I have to haul around this 'standard' model? This durn thing is HEAVY!"

"Yeah....but it's also as guaranteed against misfires, failure, and explosions as a hand-built nuclear accelerator CAN be. I can't exactly say the same about my little experiment here, huh?" Deven considered that as he and Kyle headed deeper into the woods.

"....Good point."

But a few moments later, Kyle began to think aloud, muttering, as he often did. "Of course, if this thing WERE to go critical, it wouldn't really matter which of us was wearing it, unless we had a whole county between us...heh."

"Huh? You say something brother?"

Kyle caught himself, but then the wings on the side of the PKE Meter extended all the way up and he held his hand up. He and Deven carefully snuck to the edge of a clearing, where they observed a grotesque, smelly green blob eating fresh peaches off a tree.

"I don't believe it," Deven exclaimed - and Kyle could almost swear the guy was enjoying himself - "It's...whatchamacallit...a slimer?"

Kyle checked his PKE meter one last time before putting it away and getting a grip on his gun with both hands. "I think the technical term for this type of spook is 'Onionhead.'

"But I thought there was only one Slimer..."

"Hmmm...well, for Dr. Venkman's sake I HOPE so. But this type of guy, he's generally created...ahhh, I should KNOW this - ! ..from dark magic gone wrong. I think that's how the original Slimer was created, a by-product of cult activity in the Segdewick hotel." The two stared at each other as it then sank in exactly WHERE they were...or more accurately, where they were CLOSE to! "Penland?"

Deven echoed the sentiment. "Penland. So...now what?"

Kyle grinned. "Now...you score your first 'Bust.'"

"WHAT?!"

"RE-lax, it's just like we practiced! Just waltz out there and lay the positrons to the little goober, and I'll trap him. Here...if it makes you feel better, I'll distract him while you sneak around and nail him from behind! Of course...that wouldn't be very sportsmanlike, though.

"We ain't playing football, Kyle!" I don't care if it has a blindfold and both arms tied behind its back!"

"True that. Ok, let's do it!"

Deven slipped off around the clearing, grumbling assorted obscenities about Kyle the whole way, as Kyle hooked his particle thrower to his belt and carefully entered the clearing. The Onionhead barely regarded him, just went about the business of feeding his face. Kyle decided to try some conversation so that the spook wouldn't GET spooked by noticing Deven sneaking around.

"Uhh....hey there little dude." The ghost looked at Kyle briefly then went back to eating from the almost-depleted tree. Kyle risked a glance at Deven, who had stopped and looked to be scraping something off his boot. Kyle barely resisted the urge to smack himself in the forehead and resumed distracting the spook. "Good eats, huh?" Nothing like peaches right off the tree..." But after the words were out, he realized the Onionhead had cleaned the tree totally, and was looking like it was ready to leave to find more food! "Crap! Uh, hey wait! You still hungry?" This got the ghost's attention, and he turned to Kyle and grinned as Kyle pulled a Snickers bar out of his pocket and offered it to him.

The ghost got a whiff of the candy. "Gotcha," mumbled Kyle. But rather than float to Kyle, the spook flew full blast at him, knocking him flat on his back and grabbing the candy before it could fall from Kyle's hand to the ground. Kyle wiped the slime from his eyes and rolled as he saw Deven take position and fire! The ghoul shrieked and Kyle hurled the Trap and hit the pedal with his fist, sucking it in! Kyle and Deven regarded each other over the smoking Trap...

"Well," Deven mused..."that wasn't too bad!"

Kyle spit some ectoplasm from his mouth. "Right......"


LATER:
A skeletal ghost is erratically flying down a small town sidewalk, sending passersby fleeing in terror. Kyle and Deven are in full uniform, running after it. Kyle is keeping one eye on his PKE Meter, while Deven has his Particle Thrower at the ready....

......

Kyle is nervously walking through the woods at night - armed with an M-16 instead of his Proton Pack. But he's still checking his PKE Meter. Obviously tired, he leans against a tree and checks his gun's magazine - the silver of the bullets shining in the moonlight. "Deven!" he whispers urgently. "The readings are too erratic, I can't get a lock on this thing. Deven? Deven!!"

Suddenly a black hand reaches from behind the tree and grabs Kyle's shoulder. With a characteristically girlish scream, Kyle runs like mad....and Deven (wearing his gloves) comes out from behind the tree with a smug grin! "Heh....ok, a ghost is one thing but werewolves? Bah! Werewolf, my...."

*HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!*

Deven screams in terror and takes off after Kyle, as a man-sized furry creature lets out an ear-splitting cry right behind Deven...!

......

"Is the necklace REALLY necessary?!" Deven asks Kyle with one hand over his face, staying downwind of Kyle and the garlic he has strung around his neck. The two were approaching a convention center on a hot morning in Raleigh. Deven saw that it was a comic convention, and could guess that Kyle would want to wrap this up quick and go to it...and probably drag HIM along!

"YOU can take chances if you want," Kyle shot back as they approached a pudgy man in a business suit. The man shook their hands, though he looked at Kyle's 'jewelry' with a raised eyebrow. "Thank you for coming! Now you can take care of these demon-spawned vampires, before they corrupt us any more than they have already!"

"Uh, yeah," Kyle said, slipping on his stylish sunglasses. I'm not an expert, but I really don't think many vamps show up in downtown Raleigh, at high noon..."

"THERE!" the man cut him off. "That limo!" As he spoke a large white limo pulled up and two men got out. The pudgy man looked on with disgust, and Deven with curiosity. Kyle though...his jaw dropped and he stammered for words:

"J...J...JAMES MARSTERS!!!!!! DAVID BOREANAZ!!!! Wooooow!!!" Kyle ran up to the two actors and began gushing about how he loved their shows, as the man rambled on to Deven.

"...filling our youngsters' minds with such nonsense....DEMONS fighting for good...it's not right, it's against nature!"

Deven glared at him. "The Ghostbusters deal with REAL vampires sir...leave the TV ones to the FCC if you have a problem. You know, I could be spending time with MY kid IF you hadn't called us here!" He turned to Kyle. "BOSS!!! Get me the billing pad!"

Kyle was still gushing over James and David. "...if only I had some paper. Oh yeah! Thanks bro!" Kyle pulled out the billing pad and handed it to James. "Make it out, 'To my biggest fan...'"

David stepped up to Kyle. "You know the show is history, but some TV movies may be in the works. I'm actually a bit of a fan of yours as well - or at least your organization. What would you say to an Angel/Buffy/Ghostbusters crossover...? Dr. Peterson?"

Deven walked over and saw the Kyle had fainted dead away with a huge smile on his face. "I'D take that as a yes," quipped James. Deven looked at him and pointed to Kyle. "Ya know, his cousin is right...it's just not the same unless you do that great British accent...

.....

The two are kicking back on the beach at Wilmington, but are in full uniform. "Weren't calling for rain today, brother," Deven muses as he sees a dark cloud rolling in to the shore. Kyle's pocket starts beeping wildly and he pulls out his PKE Meter as Deven grabs his Pack from the trunk of the Ectomobile. Kyle grumbles something about an old pirate prophecy as he switches off the meter and gears up himself.

A spectral ship comes out of the fog, and a raucous crowd of ghost pirates can be seen on deck. But they grow silent when they see what awaits them on the pier - our two protagonists, weapons at the ready. "Hi. Welcome to back North Carolina, Mr. Teach" Kyle says with a nasty smile as he charges his Gun. "Or do you prefer, 'Blackbeard?'" Two of the pirates look at each other and laugh.....until Kyle and Deven let fly with their Proton Guns....

.....

The reporter was a professional, yet even she was jumpy from the explosions coming from the drugstore behind her as she did her live broadcast. "We're live in downtown Charlotte, outside the latest acquisition by the Jean Coutu Group of Canada, where the Western North Carolina Ghostbusters have engaged a violent poltergeist inside! They've been in there almost 15 minutes, and police are keeping everyone far back, as it does not...." She paused and looked back as a proton stream burst from a window in the store, then vanished "...does not appear to be going well. Doctors Peterson and Raines have made headlines throughout the state in the past few weeks as they have taken a local operation in the mountains state-wide in a frenzy of Ghostbusting. I just hope their story doesn't end here...."

Inside the store, Kyle calmly sat in a lawn chair he had set up in the magazine aisle, and was staring intently at a magazine that had Alyson Hannigan in a very skimpy bikini on the cover. "Oh man.....Oh, MAN!!!! ....THAT'S how you earn the Platinum medal in that new 007 video game! It's so simple I....HEY!!!" Kyle used the magazine as umbrella as a Proton stream flew above him, causing dust and plaster to rain down on him. "Deven, you about finished?!"

Deven was trying to contain an ugly red blob with four hands as it flew wildly about, wreaking havoc in the store. Kyle wasn't sure what was causing more damage....the spook or his partner. "Relax, brother, they're insured!" Deven called out as he almost nailed the ghost, but instead destroyed a drink cooler.

'He's right,' Kyle mused to himself, 'and the practice is doing him good.' "Five more minutes, then we need to wrap this up, before the place comes down on top of us, okay?" Having found the game tip he needed, Kyle then pulled out the centerfold of Alyson, and stared at it appreciatively. But the spook, who had made his way to the cigarettes, took an open pouch of chewing tobacco in each hand and hurled them at Kyle!

"Whoa...you okay?" Deven asked as Kyle calmly got up, shook the 'baccer out of his hair and strapped on his Pack. The poltergeist snickered at Kyle, 5 cigars in it's mouth. "NOW you've p****d me off, fugly!!! But to show I'm a nice guy...how about a light for those stogies?!" Kyle blasted the ghost, who dodged the beam - but ran straight into Deven's! Kyle rolled the trap out and moments later it was just Kyle, Deven, a smoking trap, and the smoldering ruins of a pharmacy.

Deven looked about with satisfaction. "Well, that REALLY went well!"

Kyle was cursing to himself as he tried to get the Red Man off his suit. "So, do you feel better? I feel better!"

"Yes."

"Still take it personally what these people said about our FORMER employer?"

"....Yes. As a matter of fact, I think I see something moving over there...!" Deven unhooked his Thrower, but Kyle put a restraining arm on him.

"Come on man, there'll be more Coutu stores to blow up some time or another!!! I just wanna get this jerk sent back to Pigeon Roost and contained before the charge runs down on this Trap!"

The two carefully started making their way to the exit. "Hey Kyle, I've wondered...how DO you get the traps back to the firehouse anyway?"

"UPS."

"UPS?! They ship crap like this?"

"Wellllll....what they don't know won't hurt 'em, right?"

"WHAT?!"

"Kidding!!! They have a special hazmat transport program, but they keep it on the down low. Costs out the wazoo, but cheaper than making and maintaining a portable ECU, I think." Especially since I'm about ready to head home anyway. This has been fun...and pretty darn profitable as well...but I guess I'm a homebody at heart. I've talked to a guy, a Dr. Chris Eagle, and he's gonna open up a Piedmont branch of Ghostbusters soon, so the rest of the state's still in good hands. And I know you're about ready to get back to your family, huh?"

"Yeah...and um, well, ready to get back to work soon, I hope!"

"What? You're going back there?"

"They called me a few days ago...my replacement isn't working out at all, and they want me back. I told them I would on one condition...." Kyle gave Deven an incredulous look as he went on. "Come on, I know you love pharmacy as much as I do! It's a pain in the keister sometimes, but I KNOW you love the feeling when you really help someone out! And you do help people, I help people, it's what it's all about."

"....I guess you're right. I'm a Ghostbuster at heart though, and there's no way I'll give that up!"

"I know, and they know that too. Heck, I'll even keep on helping you out.....every once in a while that is!!!"

The two passed by the drink cooler wreckage and Kyle helped himself to a Stacker 2 Pounding Punch. He offered it to Deven, but he shook his head and got a Mountain Dew instead. The two toasted with their drinks of choice. "To home," Kyle said, as they chugged the drinks.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Kyle was silent on the drive to the District Office at Asheville. "What's up?" Deven asked?
"I still don't like driving through this city. The roads are all confusing, and there's some darn scary people here! Give me Johnson City any day! And there's something I need to tell you...or show you...but I can't remember! Ah, I hate that!"

"Well, it'll come to you later I guess, if it's important. As for the rest, you have GPS to navigate, and a back-mounted nuclear blaster if anyone tries to mug you. Hey, what's that?" Deven pointed to the PDA Kyle had hooked up to the dashboard above the radio, which was flashing red, and had begun emitting a constant beeping noise.

"That's keyed in to the PKE radar on the car...it's programmed to alert us to any unusually high readings." Kyle slowed the sleek black Subaru Impreza down as they came to a barricade in the road, with police, medical, and what appeared to be HazMat personnel milling around in full protective suits. Meanwhile, the beep from the PDA had elevated to a wail.

"Guess you ain't retired yet brother," Kyle said to Deven as he parked the car and turned on the Ecto-1A inspired red, yellow, and green strobe light bars. "Let's gear up!"

The two Ghostbusters approached the barricade and saw what exactly had set off the PKE radar....the street was filled with a pink pulsating mass of ectoplasm! To make matters worse, there seemed to be a small riot happening further up the street in front of a building. "Ghostbusters!" a cop yelled out. "Am I glad to see you guys! Some folks were out here doing a protest or something, then this crap came out of the ground. We managed to get it contained to a point, but the protesters have gone freakin' berserk!!!"

"I guess we need to re-schedule our meeting with the DM then, huh Deven?" Kyle turned to his partner who shook his head with a look of worry on his face.

"You really DO suck at navigation...do you realize where we are?" Kyle looked the area over carefully, then it came to him. "Our district office?! Man, for a company that officially denies the existence of ghosts, they sure attract the supernatural activity!"

Having witnessed the first bout of 'supernatural activity' at work, Deven was fast to agree. "Darn straight! Officer, we don't want to go though that crowd...is there another way into the building?

"If you move fast, yeah...there's a back way inside. But whatever you're gonna do, be snappy about it, we can't hold these people at bay for long!"

As the officer ushered Kyle and Deven past a line of riot cops, Kyle pointed out "You seem to outnumber these nuts by a wide margin...so what's the problem?"

Kyle got his answer when a nerdish-looking teenager in plaid leapt at them with an inhuman yell! He picked up a stone ashtray from the sidewalk as though it weighed nothing and took a swing at one of the riot cops. He dodged, and another two fired on the teen with tazers...to no effect! Four more cops added their tazers to the effort, and finally knocked him out.

"Holy $&*@!!!" Kyle exclaimed.

"That goop....it's like it's mutated them, given them super-human abilities! And that kid was one of the more 'normal' ones! I gotta get back out here and help. But so help me, these people want Dupree's head, and if you can't stop them, I'm gonna go up there and bring him out to them MYSELF!!!" With that, he turned and ran back out to join his fellows, leaving a confused pair of 'Busters to find their way from the back exit to the part of the building they knew.

"So who the heck is Dupree, and what'd he do to them?"

"After they fired me as DPM, they hired some Jean-Paul Dupree guy to replace me."

"Never heard of him."

"He seems to have come from nowhere, but his credintials are amazing. And more important...he works cheap."

Kyle rolled his eyes. "Right. Come on, I think this leads to the main store..."
The usually..'navigationally-challenged' Ghostbuster was right, and he and Deven found themselves in the familiar store that housed the district office upstairs. "Sure is quiet in here," an uneasy Deven remarked.

"Guess all the regulars got out of Dodge when the crowd started gettin' ugly...and slimy," Kyle observed as he took the lead upstairs. He carefully opened the door to the offices - and was greeted by a bald man in a smart black business suit, and sunglasses, holding a large automatic pistol in his face!

"Don't move, slimeball, if you know what's good for you. You probably don't know how bad this little beauty can mess your life up!"

The initial shock of being held at gunpoint wearing off, Kyle's usual wise-mouth attitude returned. "Actually I do...that's a Heckler & Koch Model 23...or judging by the clothes, you just might have the Military model SOCOM there. If I recall, it can be had from 9mm to .45, and has a number of safety and action operations to choose from."

"JONES!" a female voice cried out from across the room. "They're on our side, you gun-slinging nutjob!" The man named Jones reluctantly put the pistol down and stepped back just enough for Kyle and Deven to take in the curious sight of the office's secretary, Terri, atop a prone man with blonde hair, a bloody nose and swollen lips. Terri was using her left arm to hold one of the man's feet in what looked to be a VERY uncomfortable position, and her right hand kept a tight pull on the man's tie, which was wrapped around his neck!

"Terri?!" Deven and Kyle were awestruck, but Deven managed to find his voice.

"Wow....uhm....Terri? You know all those rude things I said to you for calling me in to work all those days off?" Kyle called across the room to her.

Terri just managed a mean look to Kyle. "Given all that's happening, in the grand scheme of things....no, at the moment!"

Kyle was relieved. "Good, lets keep it that way." He turned to the 'suit' So, 'Agent Smith,' in the beer commercial vernacular...whazzzup???"

"My NAME is MISTER Jones, thank you. I am head of Corporate Security for this particular Region. It appears the angry crowd out there was the result of Mister..." he motioned to Terri's unfortunate hostage - "...Dupree. The new district manager here, was doing a good job of MIS-managing. Altering store orders, cancelling work orders, and his handling of the customer complaints! Why, he outright told people that they should go apologize to the people that wronged THEM, and be thankful they have a store like ours around!"

Kyle couldn't resist a smug grin to his former boss. "Good credentials, huh?" Deven, meanwhile, was anything BUT smug.

"How in the h-e-double-hockey-sticks did the Corporation manage to hire such a....a..."

"Jerkwad?" Kyle offered.

"This....jerkwad....looked great on paper. And his salary negotiations came out MUCH in the Corporation's favor." Jones continued as Kyle rolled his eyes. "However, if something seems to good to be true...then it's probably a mole from the Couteu group!"

"Eet....eet is true!" The blond haired beatdown victim finally spoke. "Zey...ze Couteu group...gave me all zee information and credentials for zees job. On zee condition zat I run eet into ze ground!!!" He spat some blood on the floor, making Terri jerk on his tie harder, and continue his story.

"Jones called and helped us piece it all together, and started down here, just as we heard a massive customer protest was coming down today. The RM had me close the store down, and he was going to try to come down and reason with them, but he got caught up with some local store troubles. Leaving ME alone to deal with the approaching mob. Or so I thought. Unluckily for Mr. Jean-Paul Dupree, he hadn't made a break for it yet. I...took my aggressions out on him, not realizing what was going on in the street. I intended to turn him over to the protesters and cops, but by the time I beat some cooperation into him, this goo had come out of the street, the riot cops were on the scene, and it was like our own little slice of World War III!"

Jones cut in. "Then, fortunately for the lovely Terri...and-slash-OR the venomous Mr. Dupree, I arrived. I encountered some resistance outside, but...well, they're young, they'll PROBABLY walk again someday." he paused and cracked his knuckles, ignoring the wide-eyed stares of Terri and the Ghostbusters, and the look of horror on Dupree's face.

"So you'll forgive my rude welcome, but I know all too well who you are, 'Doctors' Peterson and Raines, and how your kind likes to play in such messes."

"Listen, pal, we know well enough to stay well away from any large quantity of Psychomagnatheric ectoplasm that has a negative charge so pure, you don't even need a Giga-Meter to read it!"

"We do?"

Kyle elbowed Deven in the ribs as Jones chuckled and checked the magazine of his H&K sidearm, and walked over to the window for a better view of the riot. "Thank you gentlemen, but I happen to have this well under control."

"Really? Boy, that's a relief then. Cause me and Deven would hate to see what it would look like if you DIDN'T have it under control!" Kyle looked down and noticed, among other things, a young man running on all fours, nipping at a police officer - and a grey haired woman slashing at two riot cops with about 5 long knives in each hand...no...those were her fingernails..!

Ignoring his comment, Jones took some extra magazines for the H&K from a silver briefcase on the floor. "I'm fully authorized by the Corporation to use deadly force to protect the Company, myself, employees..." he cast a snide look at the Ghostbusters - "and whatever other rabble may be on hand..."

Kyle stood there in shock, but Deven stepped up Jones with righteous fury in his eyes. "These people are mad, and they have reason to be! They're dangerous, but they aren't in control of themselves. And if you think I'm gonna stand by at let you commit mass murder, you're bad mistaken.

Deven and Jones were face-to-face, and Jones spoke with icy calmness. "Go home, Doctor Raines. You have a family to think of."

In one fluid motion, Terri slammed Dupree's head on the floor, knocking him cold. She jumped up and stood by Deven, who gave her an approving look. "Tae-Bo gets a LOT more complex than those TV commercials, you know. And YOU, Jones, you sick freak....THOSE people have families too, and you're going to have to go through me also if you want to to get to them!

Behind them, the power-up hum of a Proton Pack could be heard, menacing in the cramped quarters. Terri and Deven stood aside to make room for Kyle, all humor gone from his face, leveling his particle thrower at Jones. "Count me and my little particle-throwing friend here in there too, cueball. And before you refer to the cartoon where the beams from these things are harmless to humans, remember please that this is real life!"

Jones was actually scared now, but tried not to let it show. He laid the gun down at his feet and stood at ease. "I never watched cartoons as a child."

Kyle re-hooked the gun to his pack. "What a shocker. So, you gonna play by our rules then?"

"I don't seem to have a choice. What do you propose to do, then?"

Deven looked at Kyle. "Come on, this should be a cake walk for you man. You're the boss, so boss us!"

Kyle looked pale. "Say, brother, want a promotion?"

Deven shook his head, and Kyle sat down Indian-style to think. "Well, we can't do squat up here. But I doubt you and me can fight our way back out to the Ecto. We need Jones. But that leaves Terri alone up here with French Fry over there..."

"Hey, I can handle myself...I whipped his butt before!"

"It's not him I'm worried about...it's the mob, if they should get through the police and get in here...!"

"...oh yeah. Well, there are some good hiding places in here, no one but the staff knows about. If they do get in we should be able to keep hidden a pretty good bit."

"Well, if it happens...do what you have to do. This jerk isn't worth getting hurt over! I hate to do this, but I've got half an idea - only to do it, I've gotta be all the way outside!"

Deven and Kyle made sure their gear was secure, then turned to Jones. "Lead on, MacDuff...and remember...don't hurt them any more than you have to!"

*******************************************************************

One fast and violent run later, the trio made it safely to ECTO-1WNC. "Now then," panted Jones, who was out of breath, "What is your plan?"

In the driver's seat, Kyle had pulled out a laptop and was typing like mad. "The GBI website has a listing of franchises that keep some positively-charged 'Mood Slime' handy...I'll access the database and see which one's closest."

"Awww...you mean we don't have it at home? Shoot, I wanted to make a toaster dance like in the movies."

"Are you kidding Deven? You know how much that crap COSTS?! And ideally you need trained personnel to monitor it 24-7...."

Jones interrupted. "So you're too cheap to have this..slime on hand yourself." Kyle and Deven looked at each other and nodded in agreement, not taking insult at all. "So...where IS it?!"

"Darn thing's taking a long time to load with this interference. I don't know, but I'd guess either Andy's crew in East Tennessee, Ron Daniels in Georgia, or maybe Norm in Northern Virginia."

Deven and Jones looked at each other, and yelled at the same time, "WHAT?!?!?!?!"

Kyle ignored them as the screen loaded. "Huh....Mars Hill College has some on hand for an experiment and demonstrations! Sweet! Why didn't they tell me? Hey, I wonder if that letter...nah. Uhm, let's see, the science building at the northern part of campus...doo de doo.."

"Oh yeah...that letter you tossed because you thought the college was after you for your pre-Pharm student loan from them?"

Kyle shot a sour look at Deven. "Yes, thank you Doctor Raines, THAT letter. Ok, got my directions loaded. Full tank of....HEY! What the heck happened to half a tank of my gas?"
Kyle hopped out and he saw a hose coming from his gas tank. "Un-freaking-beleivable! A riot, and someone steals my gas. Man, I hate this town!

An old man with a swollen stomach hobbled by on a cane...then held a finger up to his mouth and a flame shot from the finger. The old man spit gasoline on the flame, making an improvised flamethrower and setting a neighboring building alight.

"Oh. Well, I STILL hate this town! Deven, you and Jones help the law hold the fort down...I'll be back as soon as I can!!!

About half an hour later, Kyle screeched to a stop in front of the store in Ecto-1WNC, and hopped out to survey the scene. Things looked more chaotic than ever. He quickly strapped on the huge slime blower, the very model the original Ghostbusters had used in 1989. Pulling a small blue object from his chest pocket, he began to take a closer look at the crowd, planning his attack. Deven peeked out from under an overturned park bench and rushed over to Kyle.

"Ahh, brings back memories, huh?"

"Yeah, except this time instead of HIDING from the monsters, I'm supposed to FIGHT them!"

"Relax, I'll do the hard part...you just use this mini Giga-Meter and tell me where to hose 'em." Kyle haneded the blue object, now flashing lights madly, to Deven.

"Whoa...how do I read this thing? And how come I haven't seen you playing with it all the time like your PKE Meter?"

"First of all, it's a Mars Hill student's science project, which I borrowed from her. So be careful with it, she's pretty hot, and I might actually get a date out of her!" Deven rolled his eyes as Kyle continued. "It's a basic model, no precise readouts in giga electron volts. 'Blue' is positive energy and 'red' is negative. Help point me to the red zones so I get the most bang for my considerable buck." Kyle held the slime thrower close to his face and started petting it and taking lovingly to it..."'Cause my widdle swime packs a punch - yes him does! - but I couldn't make Mars Hill part with as much of it as I wanted!"

Deven looked somewhat uncomfortable. "I thought talking to that crap was just something they put in the second movie for comic effect, man..."

"HEY!" Kyle started petting the tank on his back. "It's okay shnookums. Whoa...where's our new buddy? You know, the guy that gives the Second Amendment a bad name?"

Deven just grinned and pointed over his shoulder...this was when Kyle noticed what looked like a large cocoon up on the side of a building, with only the mouth of a person sticking out. A male with a VERY colorful vocabulary from the sound of it!

"Duuuude...! I missed Spider-Man! Next time YOU go get the good weapons and I'LL stay behind!"

"It was more 'Spider' than 'Man' brother, and not a pretty sight! You know that real spiders don't shoot webbing out of their wrists, but out of a...different body part...right?"

"Oh...ohhhh! NOW I get it! Heh, couldn't have happened to a nicer guy!" Kyle ducked back into the Ecto (as best he could with a huge tank of slime on his back) and started working at controls on the dash as Deven checked Giga readings.

"They're pretty well penned in, Kyle, we gonna do this or what?!"

"Almost ready..you know how hard it is for me to find the right kinda music in my collection? Ah...THIS will do!"

Korn's 'Word Up' began to blare out of the Ecto - routed through the siren. The crowd began to cheer as Kyle primed the slime blower as he tapped his feet to the beat. "All right, you ghoul-possessed mob....I came here to kick 'A' and chew bubblegum...and too bad for YOU I'm all outta bubblegum!"

Kyle began hosing down the crowd with the positive slime, Deven helping guide his aim with the miniaturized Giga Meter. With the police keeping them hemmed in, it was over in a matter of minutes, the once savage mob reduced to a dozing crowd.

"Well...that wasn't so bad, huh Kyle?"

Kyle checked the readout on the slime blower gun and took a last GEV sweep. "Nope. Just glad it wasn't, that's all the slime I had!" He took the tank off and Deven followed suit with his Pack. "Oh yeah, we better go see about Terri!"

"Yeah," Deven laughed, "her foot might be getting sore from kicking Dupree's butt all over the building! Hopefully we can get him behind bars and get the heck back to Burnsville before Jones gets un-stuck."

Kyle tapped Deven on the shoulder and pointed up to where Jones had been trapped, now just a shredded mass of webbing remained. The two looked at each other, then the web, then at the same time let out a mournful "BOO-WOO!!!!"

As a precaution, Kyle busied himself taking PKE readings to make sure the crowd was free of any strong spiritual influence. They were clean, but suddenly the wings on the meter jumped up until they were fully extended...then they reverted back down almost inside the meter. "Deven!" Kyle exclaimed, "I think I just got a PKE surge from inside the building......hey wait!!"

Deven took off running back to the side entrance they had used earlier, without even stopping for his Pack! Kyle hastily put his own Proton Pack on and took off after him. He found Deven at the door, his progress blocked by a sneering Jones:

"I do thank you on behalf of the Corporation for your work in dispelling this crowd, but I will take it from here! Besides...this area is off-limits to all but employees, so what makes you think I'm going to let you by me?"

Deven opened his mouth, but Kyle stepped up and got right in Jones' face. "LOOK, pal. I have a large unlicensed nuclear accelerator strapped to my back, AND I am on a prescription strength antidepressant." Jones stepped back slightly. "NOW do you have any MORE bone-head questions?!"

Jones backed up some more, but still held some bravado. "Doctor Peterson, I see your contempt for authority figures persists as strong as it was when you first started at this company. Don't look so confused, I'm so good because I study every contingency before I work a case, so the personnel files of an 'illustrious' employee such as yourself was high on my list of reading."

"Hey, I have no problem with authority...just swell-headed, pompus, arrogant, would-be tin gods!"

Deven thought he was going to have to step between the two when Terri came out to meet them, yelling. "He's GONE!"

"WHAT?!" cried the 3 men.

I've looked everywhere, guys! He said he needed to use the bathroom, so I let him. You know our bathroom up there, about the size of a broom closet with only one way in or out. I even blocked the door with a chair to be safe, and took a peek outside to see you hosing the crowd down - you could be in a riot squad, Kyle!"

"Thanks...but then what?"

"Then, after he didn't respond, I opened up the door, and nothing, not a trace of him!"

"Unacceptable!" cried Jones, who ran inside to search himself.

"Guys, there's no way any man could have got out of that room, at least not without alerting me!"

"It's ok, Terri," Deven reassured her. "This guy is a professional mole from those Couteau losers, he's probably a trained spy, escape artist...heaven knows what else...except fighter of course!"

Kyle looked at the PKE Meter, doubtful. "Maybe...maybe he was holding back. Maybe he's not even a 'man' at all???"

Deven was skeptical. "One PKE spike...in the midst of all this chaos...you're reaching, brother."

"You're probably right. Let's just get a sample of the unholy goo that caused all this mess, bill Jones, and go home.

A police officer had come up to them as they were talking. "Uh, yeah, about that. We probably should have come to you sooner, but had our hands full helping the crowd out. The slime's gone."

"Gone?"

"It's just like it...evaporated, into thin air. Not as much as a drop left. Sorry, I was hoping you guys could study it to maybe see what the heck happened here today." With that, he headed back to the crowd.

"So...we lose the bad guy, and we lose potentially invaluable evidence, all in the span of a few minutes." Kyle sat down Indian-style on the pavement and put his head in his hands.

"Remind me again Deven, just why I don't go and get hammered right about now?"

"Because alcoholism runs in your family and the last thing we need is a mean drunk swinging around a particle thrower."

"Thank you, that was it."

Just then Terri came up behind Kyle and gave him a full-force slap on the back of the head!

"OWWWWW....what was that for?!"

"Sorry, I didn't have a violin handy," Terri shot back. "In case you didn't notice, you two probably just saved a handful of lives today! Now get off your duff and come inside so I can finalize your re-hire papers."

Kyle got up and turned to Deven. "Well, it was great working with you...I guess I'll see you around the District Office then..."

Terri interrupted them. "Oh, about that...well, sorry Deven, but we have a new District Pharmacy Manager en route already. Her name's Robin..."

Deven lit up with a broad grin. "GREAT! I miss my home store anyway. Managing a district is more trouble than it's worth."

Kyle was grinning ear to ear too. "Yeah....responsibility sucks, you can run the store again. AND without being a DPM, you'll have time to help me with the WNC Ghostbusters, too!"

Deven's grin faded a bit. "Great," he said with far less enthusiasm. But Kyle didn't notice, he had the billing pad out and was approaching a seething Jones.

"Hi, Jonesy. Before you head back off to Corporate-Land, here's a bill for the Ghostbusters' services today.

Jones took the paper, and his eyes grew wide as he read it. "WHAT?! This is outrageous! If you think the Corporation will pay this bill...."

"Well," Kyle bluffed, "if you DON'T, then I've got a half tank of slime left in that blower out there, and a CD case FULL of death rock. A few tracks of Rob Zombie, and that slime will be primed and ready to put that crowd BACK in the bloodthirsty mood it was in before....savvy?"

***ONE MONTH LATER****

"You know, after the way those bums did you two, I still can't believe you just came back here like nothing happened," Sandi observed as she, Kyle, and Deven went about their usual jobs in the pharmacy. She followed Deven over to ring up a Mountain Dew for him, and a YJ-Stinger drink for Kyle.

"I wouldn't say NOTHING has changed, Sandi," Deven grinned as she scanned his discount card and the drinks."

"Okay, your total for these is....two cents?!"

Kyle came over and gave Deven a penny and took his Stacker-2 drink. "Yup, it's good to be back..."
-END